Heaven

Sweat poured down the brows of the 4 of them as they sat in the keep's main hall. Beyond the four pillars, the soldiers were forming a barricade against the great wooden doors as it came under ground shaking blows from the enemy's battering ram on the other side. The once solid wood was beginning to splinter and it's supports were giving way. It seemed that it was only a matter of time before they broke it from it's hinges. Kyle watched the soldiers as they fell back each time the ram came into hard contact with the doors. "There is no hope left." He said as he tightened his grip around his sword, "They are weary from the fighting and cannot hold on much longer."
Joshua let out a sigh and hung his head on his fist. Samuel and Shane were silent. Fear had encompassed all of them. What was on the other side of the doors was a mystery to them. All they knew was that they had broken the defenses of the walls and were now outside the keep, ready to give the final stroke. Kyle lay against the stone steps which led up to the fountain and shut his eyes. Granel, who was pacing up and down the flight of stairs laid down his colossal axe at the foot of the fountain and took a seat next to Kyle. "This could very well be our final stand. They have us surrounded."
Samuel lifted himself from against the wall, "Is there no passage out? "
"Unfortunately, after the women and children had gone, the tunnel was sealed by a falling stone column. There's no way to get in now." Granel replied.
"So what now? We're just going to sit here and die?" Shane burst out.
Everyone turned to look at Granel for his reply. He sighed and repeated once again, "This could very well be our final stand."
The four of them collapsed back down to their prone positions. A large piece of wood broke off from the door and fell onto the barricade of soldiers below as it came under another solid smash.
"So, we give up our lives so that our friends can live to fight another day. This is where our part in this tale comes to a close." Samuel said wistfully.
"I never thought that it would end like this.." said Joshua as he lifted his head slightly.
Granel looked around and saw their faces full of despair and fear. "End? My brave young boys, death is not necessarily the end." He said gently.
The 4 of them looked up at him once again. "What makes you say that?" Shane asked.
"Because life was never the beginning in the first place. All souls come onto this earth from a power higher up than anything in the world. And once the time on this resting ground has ended, it is then time for us to continue the journey, death and beyond."
"What’s beyond death?" Kyle skeptically questioned him.
Granel dropped his head slowly and clasped his hands together. The four of them were just about to return to their hopelessness. He pulled his head up again and said, "A great white light. You see it just before the end. And as you pass it, the past behind you turns to silver and the future ahead of you turns to gold. The lands ahead, where your dreams encircle you and spring to life. You will be reunited with those that you lost. The ones you had loved. You will hold them close once again in those lands beyond and all your hate, sorrow and despair will be released as you touch the water at the white shores. There will be no more to fight for, no more to kill for. Your life after the grim reaper. Your heaven."
The room was silent again, save the sound of the ram. But it was not the same silence as before. The 4 of them were hanging on Granel’s every word. "You must not fear death. It is but your passage into the New World ahead."
"Well. I guess death doesn’t sound so bad now." Joshua said quietly.
"No. It doesn’t does it?" Granel replied with a smile.
They all smiled at one another. For that one moment, at least a portion of their fear had been dropped. But in their hearts, they still clung on to the last ounce of hope they had left.
"If we die today. We die together. And we shall walk the lands of heaven as friends again." Said Kyle.
After he spoke, he took off the pendant that Nydia had given him and laid it in the crystal water of the fountain. He closed his eyes and sighed. Joshua removed his necklace from which hung a feather and placed it beside Kyle’s. Samuel dropped his star shaped pebble in as well, the one that was given to him on the night of the ball. They looked toward Shane. He sat on the steps for a while not wanting to move. Reluctantly, he got up and placed his engraved buckle into the water with the rest. The four of them stood at the edge of the fountain’s steps. Kyle put his fist out into the center and was joined by Joshua’s, then Samuel’s and then Shane’s. They bowed their heads to one another.
"It was always an honor to have you as friends, and comrades in battle." Shane said.
"It has been a good run my friends. And I know we will gather like this once again. Be it in heaven or on earth." Kyle added.
Granel walked up to the fountain as well. He looked up into the skylight and smiled at the blue havens above. Removing his wedding ring from his finger, he carefully placed the ring into the bottom of the fountain, withdrawing his hand slowly and letting the cool water run through his fingers. "I shall see you soon." He whispered to himself.
Granel threw his arms over Shane and Joshua. "Well, it is time. For us there is not much hope. This is our final act, to contribute to the pages of those who will survive us."
"Amen." Joshua said.
They laughed as they walked down the stone steps together. Granel picked up his oversized axe and flung it over his shoulder. Another huge piece of wood broke off from the door and crushed a few soldiers below. It was on it’s last legs. "The door is splintered. Ready your arms." He said as he began to walk toward the four pillars. Kyle and Samuel unsheathed their swords. Shane readied his axe as Joshua held his spear steady. "Lets do this to give our friends a better chance." Joshua said.
"Let’s cripple this army and make it easy pickings for the rest!" Samuel exclaimed
The door came under another huge blow and was half broken. "Come now boys! Let us meet our foe and smite them!" Granel called as he ran toward the group of soldiers at the door.
They ran down to the four pillars and stood beside Granel and a line of about 200 soldiers. " Stay strong. Whatever comes through that door will be brought down!" Granel commanded and the soldiers responded with a bellowing war cry. The door came under one final blow and it flung open, knocking a few soldiers down. Smoke and dust covered the entrance and total silence filled the halls now. Nothing could be seen beyond the great arc. Kyle looked at the others and they nodded back at him. With one cry in unison, the four of them charged forth toward the arc followed by Granel and the soldiers. They charged together still with fear. But the fear subsided with each step they took. The only thing that separated them from the enemy was a cloud of dust. And as the four of them broke through that cloud, they were one step closer to the white shores of heaven and the lands beyond….

-Kyle Ganapathy
An excerpt from the unfinished series "Youngbloods". From the collection of the fantasy pages.








Damian abruptly woke up from his sleep. He looked around the room which he was in. "Where am I? Where the heck is this place?!"
He tried to get up but a sharp pain struck him in the side. He looked down and saw that his abdomen was covered in bandages. "Hey, relax." A familiar voice said.
Damian looked to his right and Geoff stood at the door. "Geoff! Where the heck is this place?"
"Take it easy Damian. You fell from your horse about a day ago. Hadriel found you and brought you here for treatment. This is George castle. We stopped by here before the others went over to the fortress of Mosin " He replied
"But I was supposed to go there! What about Shane and the rest? Are they alright?"
"Last we heard was that they were under attack. We don’t know if they were able to make it out."
"That’s it, I’m riding there now. Tell them to saddle up Fergy."
Damian tried to get up once again but was hampered by the pain in his side. He fell off the bed onto the floor.
"You won’t be going anywhere for now. Hadriel and Judith went to scout the area. All we can do now is pray for them." Geoff said as he helped him back up onto the bed. "Rest up, we may need to ride to battle in a few days as well."
Damian got back into bed. "This is stupid." He said as he hit the pillow beside him, " Alright I’ll stay here. But the least you can do is get me some water."
"You have some of Penny’s potato juice right there."
"Potato juice? Yuck! Anything but that!"
"Direct orders from the princess. Drink up!" said Geoff as he laughed and turned to leave.
"Bastard." said Damian as he tucked himself back under the blanket.

The 5 that saved the world.

(From left to right)

Damian Teo, Kyle Ganapathy, Joshua Siow, Samuel Lee and Shane Meyer.

Song of the scorned

Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more
Don't say goodbye
Don't say I didn't try

These tears I cry
Are falling rain
For all the lies you told us
The hurt, the blame
And I will weep to be so alone
I am lost,
I can never go home

So in the end
I'll be what I will be
No special love
Was ever there for me

Now I say goodbye
I say you didn't try

These tears you cry
Have come too late
Take back the lies
The hurt, the blame!

And you will weep
When you face the end alone,
You are lost,
You can never go home.
You are lost,
You can never go home.

-

God damn it! The last love i had in life has betrayed me. English. How could you. All my dreams were based upon you. Why the hell am i not getting up to standard if i give my best!? Why the hell is it that every test that goes down the row decreases my fucking marks. What the fuck is wrong with me?! A writer? PFFT is all i can say to myself. What kind of writer can't get a damn distinction for a PRELIMINARY exam. What kind of writer gets his fucking composition littered with correction marks? I'm not a god damn writer after all then. 2 years in a row i had the best in English award. Sec 1 and Sec 2. I lost it at sec 3 and now at sec 4, i'm 200000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 leagues away from it. Marc Van Huizen got highest with a 77. HEH. Who else would you have expected? Everything is going perfect for him anyway. I have no damn identity anymore. I was considered one of the best in english and now look at me! What the fuck am i? I'm seriously questioning my existence now. Why God did you create such a bum? I'm sorry if i'm being blasphemous. But just look at me. My english sucks so much i can't even spell that word. I have no special trait anymore!n I am just a mediocre asshole. What am I here for. Am I just a filler of space? Am I one of the average people put on earth so as to make other people look extraordinary. Yeah i think thats what I am. If they make a movie about...oh i don't know, Marc Van Huizen, they'd show him being the greatness that he is. And my name will be there in small credits at the end. "Son of a bitch assclown from 4E2" played by Kyle Ganapathy. Thats what i am. Just a filler to make other people look great. Fine then. If that's the case that i can't even get a god damn 70 for my english, I'm not writing anymore. Forget all the poems. Forget all my stories. I'm not going to write. There is no point in writing if there is nothing left to write for. Look at all the stuff that i've written in the past. All useless, with not even a distinction to prove for it. I don't consider myself a writer. I don't deserve to be. I am a space filler and an average one at that. If English isn't my forte then what is. I am fucking useless as a human being. I am, was always and will always be, Nothing. And you know it. So don't try and cheer me up by saying we all have our strengths and weaknesses because from where i'm standing, I have no strengths. It is a straight line with dips at certain areas. I am not special and never will be so don't say i am. I am not good at anything anymore. Thats that. My life is probably gonna be over in 2 years anyway. So God, if the rest of my days are going to be as bad as this, please make me die at 35.

Beast.

I'm pissed off with a lot of things recently. Not sad or shit like that just plain irritated. And pissed. I ain't gonna be that nice guy i tried to be before. Maybe only to a select few. But other than that, the fur is growing and the claws are emerging. I am now a beast. Fierce and quick. And before you try to pat me on the head, be warned, I ain't tame. And don't forget, beasts often bite.

Till I calm down,

Kyle

Dedicated to the Writers

A writer lives a hard life. He lives in his own world of fantasies, creating dreams from paper and ink. Sharing his wildest passions and ideas with the readers. A writer has the power to make another cry and perhaps others laugh. It all depends on the words which he writes. His job brings joy no matter. Seeing the look of captivation on a readers face, watching a child laugh with joy that his work brings or even having someone tell him that his writing is far beyond comprehension. The writer has many joys, but then again, the writer has a hard life. He lives behind his books and poems. The people do not love the writer, they love the books. If a writer was a mere peasant who hoed gardens for a living, no one would care. No one cares anyway. The writer is just a name embossed in golden ink onto the side of a book. Other than that he is insignificant. He is the last to know about anything and is the first for anything bad to happen to. The very things that brought him into his job can turn against him, his emotions. His sadness is read and not felt. His happiness is read and not felt. His anger is read and not felt. His entire life is read, but never understood by anyone apart for himself. Perhaps that is why the writer confides in his own world of fantasy where his dreams can actually come true. Because the chances of that happening in the real world are as good as Haley's comet colliding with the earth and causing less than a tremble through the earth's core. If anyone was offered a knife in their moment of depression, the writer would be the first to take it and end it right there and then.
Why was I blessed with this curse. Sometimes, the only time i feel appreciated, respected and loved is in the pages of my own text? Will I forever be force to live behind my wall of books and papers? My answer to myself, is yes. From where I stand, there is no possible way that anyone will ever be able to help. The writer's life is a hard one. And if it wasn't for it's subtle rewards here and there, I'd soon be dead.

The world was never meant for one as beautiful as a writer.


-Kyle

A sorrowful goodbye

Kyle ran through the forest with heavy breaths, looking around as the swirls of green trees encapsulated him. He darted around the forest floor. "Hadriel!" he called in a tone filled with anxiety and worry, "Hadriel where are you?". There was no response. He was searching for Hadriel who had fallen into the forest prior to the battle. "Hadriel! For crying out loud where the heck are you?" Kyle exclaimed again as he threw his rapier to the ground in exasperation.
Then, a single tone of a whistle broke the silence. It was the whistle that Kyle gave to Hadriel before the fighting had begun. Kyle sprung up from the ground and did his best to try and follow the sound. He found himself again running to nowhere. The whistle then died out and he began to lose his patience again. "Hadriel! Can't you just use one of the guardian flares damn it!?" Kyle shouted with his hoarse voice.
Out from the trees a blue light flew into the sky and exploded into a firework-like display. Kyle knew where to go. He ran toward the blue light which became increasingly hard to see as the sun was high in the sky at that time. Eventually he caught sight of Hadriel leaning against an oak tree on a mound of grass. "Hadriel!" he said, running up to him, "I finally found you. What happened?"
"Well, I just thought it would be nice to sit out here against this oak tree and watch the trees" Hadriel replied.
"I saw you fall from the sky into the...What happened to your wing!?"
Kyle noticed that the feathered wing on Hadriel's back was badly twisted and was covered in blood. The white feathers began to fall of one by one onto the grass. " Oh crap... We really need to get you back to the village. You're in terrible condition."
"There'll be no need for that my friend..I am perhaps too badly hurt."
Kyle looked at him and gave a half laugh, " What are you talking about dude?"
Hadriel moved his cloak away from his chest and revealed an arrow penetrating straight through his heart area. Below it was a terrible gash near his ribs. His hands were stained in his own blood. Kyle's eyes widened as he saw his wounds. That was the first time that Kyle had seen the blood of his Fotch Guardian spilled. "O-okay...Hadriel wait here i'll go get some help..." he said as his lips trembled.
"Theres no need Kyle. My human eyes grow dark..." Hadriel said weakly.
"What? Come on don't say that man. I'm gonna get you fixed up."
As he turned to leave, Hadriel grabbed his cape. "By the time you get back, I'll be gone."
Kyle looked back at Hadriel. His face grew paler with every breath he took. "My time on this earth is almost through. And before I go, I'd like to spend my last few moments with the reason I was sent down here in the first place. My ward."
Kyle knelt down beside him and took his hand. "You're not gonna go Hadriel. You are a fotch Guardian. I've seen you get out of worst things than this."
Hadriel gave a soft laugh as Kyle said those words, "You make it seem that we are invincible. On this earth, we are merely humans with wings and special powers."
"Well then use your special powers are heal yourself or something!"
He pulled his battered body up slightly," Unfortunately, healing is only a femaleFotch guardian's power."
"Well then teleport us back to the village! Hadriel, you can't just die now! You have a contract up there!" Kyle said as he pointed to the sky.
"The contract expires if a Guardian is killed in an accident or a battle. So, i guess I'm going to be retired soon eh?"
Kyle grabbed him by the collar and shook him slightly,"Don't say shit like that!"
"I don't think you're supposed to shake someone who has an arrow through his chest."
He set Hadriel back down and placed his backpack behind his head. "You can't die now Hadriel..There's so much I don't know. How am I supposed to get through it all without a guide? How are we going to get by without you protecting us?" As he continued to speak, a tear rolled down his cheek and onto the ground, "How am I to continue this journey without my guardian by my side?"
"You will get by. I was only here to assist. You did everything up till now by yourself. And I bet if I wasn't here, you'd still have done it." Hadriel replied weakly as he coughed into his cloak.
"I don't want you to die. Come on Hadriel...we'll go back to Japan with the rest of them and pretend none of this crap ever happened. Let's go back..."
He shook his head and replied in a much sterner voice, " Kyle. Don't you get it? I'm already past my time. I'm violating the rules by staying here and talking to you. Feel my pulse."
Kyle put his fingers to Hadriel's neck. There was no pulse. Neither was he breathing at all. Kyle backed away slightly with his hand trembling as he removed it from his neck. Hadriel took Kyle's hand and opened it slightly. "Here, take this." he unlatched his sword from his waist and placed it into Kyle's hand, "May it guide you when I am no longer here."
Kyle took the sword. It was Hadriel's Guardian sword that he had used over the years. It was said that a Fotch Guardian's sword was unbreakable. He covered his face with his hands as more tears began to fall.
Hadriel looked to the right. "Aren't the flowers and the trees looking splendid this summer day?"
He reached out to a nearby bush and picked an orange flower from it. "For Nydia. Tell her I said goodbye."
Kyle reached out and kept the flower in his coat pocket. Hadriel once again pulled himself out and let out a sigh. "It's been a great run to have you as a friend and a ward all these years. But as everything has to come to an end, so our friendship ends here."
Kyle looked into Hadriel's blue eyes, which had lost it's aquamarine colour and were fading into pale darkness. His own eyes were now stained red by his tears. "Will I ever see you again Hadriel?"
"Perhaps. As long as you still believe in me." came the reply, "It is time for me to go now Kyle. Remember what I always told you. If you believe, you will achieve. Farewell my friend."
He brought Kyle's forehead against his and as he took his last breath, his human form faded into blue tranclucency. It was his true form. The true form of a fotch guardian. A ring of light emnated around his angelic figure as he waved his last wave to the boy he was sent down to protect. And as Kyle waved back, The spirit of Hadriel Tomoas was scattered into luminous blue feathers which danced around in the sunlight, filtering in through the massive oak trees of the forest. Kyle held Hadriel's sword close to his chest as he watched his guardian disappear from human existence and into a world unknown to him. A final tear fell from his eyes as the last of the feathers floated up into the wild blue beyond.
He walked up to the tree where Hadriel lay before and picked up the whistle that was left behind. "Goodbye old friend..." Kyle said as he placed the whistle into his backpack.
And as he left the forest, he could have sworn he heard the ever flamboyant voice of Hadriel once again say, "If you believe, you will achieve."


-Kyle Ganapathy

Adapted from "A sorrowful goodbye" from the pages of the unfinished series "Youngbloods"

A plea to God

Dear God,

I'm not one of your best children and I'm not very fillial either. I can be a punk sometimes and I can be a total rat at other times. And I'm probably one of your number one candidates to go to hell. Not to mention being a hypocrite and stuff. I know so far I've been a piece of dirt. So if you could do me a few last favours it would be these few.
Firstly, being the king of the world and all, you gotta have some power over me so would you please guide me to a better side of me. Y'know i don't wanna be this Kyle that I am right now. Because this Kyle kinda....isn't very good at all. In fact, he sucks. Sorry to use that kinda language in front of you. Forgive me. Please help me to change for the better. I'd like to go to heaven when I die y'know what I'm saying?
Secondly, please slap me in the face. Help me to put aside my fake ways and become the Kyle that I was meant to be when you created me from dust. For that I'd really need your help. Or i'd be dead. Really.
Thirdly, please help me to let go of things a little easier than before. It's like lord of the rings and all I gotta do is release my grip and let the ring fall into the lava but i just can't do it. I'm not asking to be unhurtable or anything but yeah...help me to stop lingering on things long after they've gone because it's not good for me and if it's not good for me then i'd start doing dumb stuff that in turn hurts your rules and stuff you know what i'm saying. Well you probably can read my mind so if i'm rambling i'm sure you know whats going on.
I really need your help man. I can't do this as a human dude. Humans are weak! No offense. Since you created us but even you'd agree that we are so weak minded. So help me to become a better Kyle than I am and ever was. For that i'd be eternally grateful. I'm sorry for not going to church for so long. Perhaps i should spend more time praying on sundays. Y'know like give you a little call now and then and see how things are doing up there. You know God, I imagine you as my main man. As my friend and as a cool dad. I don't know if its wrong to think of you as my friend and pal n all. And I really hope its not blasphemious. However you spell that. You're the king of my ring big G. Thanks.

-From your son and friend
Kyle Andrew Ganapathy


P.S -Please keep my friends safe and sound and take care of them. Please don't let them get any sicknesses and stuff and please protect em from accidents. Take care of Josh. I'm sure you know him, he practically spends half his week in church. Take care of Samuel. He's not someone you can find around the corner of 33rd street. Take care of Shane. He's cool, most of the time. Take care of Wei Jie, and please for his own sake, make him study for his prelims. Take care of Ying because she never ceases to brighten my day up. Or at least tries to. Take care of Rishik coz he's a lil conflicted, just like me and he's a cool dude and a pal too. And also, take care of the rest of the peeps I know. I'm sorry if i didn't mention you and stuff but you guys are all cool. I'd make a list but i don't wanna bore you all. Last but not least....please take care of Nadia. Y'know she's been a real friend for so long and i went and kinda spoiled it. A little. I spoil everything. I want everything to be cool again. I want us to be tight. I want all of us to be tight. Like those black guys ya see on tv. Take care of Nadia, God. And take care of everyone else. Take care of em first and then take care of me. Take care of my family too. Oh and please let my pizza be ready by the time I go down.





Hey thanks God! Triple cheese and pepperoni. Seeya later big G!




P.S- This is what the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

Who am I?

I don't know who I am anymore. Really. Am I really faceless? Do I just replicate from time to time? Am I like a shapeshifter or something. I don't know if I'm still the boy who dreams of becoming a WWE superstar or just someone who is taking the form of another person. Is there a true Kyle? Does one exist? I'm unsure. I have a bad feeling that if there is a true Kyle, it is an evil, scary, uncaring and ruthless individual. I just have a feeling. Perhaps I am just a figure from a comic. Existing only in a world of text. Who is this idiot I see when i look in a mirror?!? If there is a real Kyle I'm f*cking pissed with him right now. Show yourself you piece of garbage! Why am I not able to show the rest of the world my true self and not try and fool them with my phony acts of flamboyance and happiness? I'm not Kyle anymore. I once was. Now I'm just a replica of a thousand personas combined together. Kyle is lost. Who's gonna find him? I can't. Can you?

Test

Everytime I get pissed and feel that I just want everything to stop, I talk to you, and after a while, I love you all over again. What is this about? I don't get it. Why do I hate and love you at the same time? It's like a double edged sword. It hurts but it still feels good. I seriously don't get it. How is it possible that I love you and hate you at the same time?

Insignificance

You know, i don't even know whether i spelled the title correctly but who gives a damn eh? I totally forget how insignificant i am to other people's lives sometimes. I'll be sitting next to one of my friends yapping on and on about professional wrestling and stuff and he'll just be responding with a series of nods and maybe a forced smile here and there. And Suddenly I stop and I try to read the guy's mind. And basically it'll be like, " God please make this guy stop talking and i will build several churches in your honor." And so I just stop and say "Excuse me, I have to go." The guy's next reaction will probably be a sigh of relief. Then I go into a corner and think. "Man am I always boring people like this." Well, the answer is most definitely yes. That's because no one, and i mean no one except that divine being that they call your soul mate will be interested in your thoughts or your feelings. Unless you go up to someone and say. Hey, I'm depressed. They'd never ask "how are you?" and mean it. It's a bunch of baloney i tell you. Like right now, I'm feeling like a sack of 10 cent manure but no one notices. Or bothers to, or wants to. Geez, are we all like little blind specks on the earth who don't give a damn about each other? Thats crazytalk. I find it so depressing and so frickin sad that no one will ever see the world the same way that i see it through my eyes. I wish that there could be someone that similar and deep to be able to appreciate the same things that I do but to tell you the truth, that person is a myth, a folk tale and a fictitious character. I recently found out why i am so unlike any other within my group of friends. It is because I have an unbeleivable dream. People like Selvam have a marked goal which is highly achievable. In his case, to be a lawyer. And in the case of my friend Damian, he wants to be part of the military. A commando. Those are down to earth goals man. You tell them to someone and they'd say "Hey that's great! Do your best to achieve it!" But now if Kyle comes along one fine day, "I'm planning to become a professional wrestler." " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"No seriously, whats your ambition?"

Geez. Am I really leaping for a dream that is in the densest of the blue sky above. Everyone relates to each other so well! Selvam, Jasvir, Dewei, Marc, who else? Wait what do I mean who else? EVERYBODY else. But what about me? People call it being unique. Well, I am sick to death of being unique. Because being unique is equivalent to being lonely. Name me one person in Singapore who's ambitions, instead of progressing into more down to earth things, become even more and more crazy. When I was 6 I wanted to be a vet. At 12, a writer. At 15, a singer and now at 16, A singer/writer/Professional Wrestler/ Actor/ Director. However scary it may be, whatever it is, I am not going to settle for a mundane life. I'm not going to a stuffy office at 7 in the morning, work till 9 at night, come home to a damn one room flat and sleep. I'll be damned if I'm going to turn out that way. I'm going to travel the globe and have fun while working damn it! I'm going to do all the stuff i dreamt of. I'm going to disneyland with my peeps! That's right Damian i haven't forgotten our pact. I'm going to throw a paper airplane into the grand canyon and I'm going to spit off the hoover dam. I'm not going to be confined in an office. 4 walls cannot hold my hype. I'm going places! I know i'll never find someone who can actually fill up the empty spaces within. But if I'm going to have to do this alone, then i'll do it alone. You are welcome to join me anytime. Thats if you're ready to release your hold on security and stability and take a walk on uncertainty and fear. Beleive me the latter is the road to a higher glory than you can ever imagine. But if you want to take it safe and live "happily ever after" Go ahead. Because that fairy tale will be a repetitive and boring one. Mine has just begun. And the first few pages have already been written. Time for me to write on. Fairy tales can come true. Its up to you to see whether it does for you.


Forget about love for now. It'll only bring you pain and suffering.
Forget about relationships for now, they never last. Some end before they begin.
Forget your emotions for now, they lead to the previous two things i told you to forget.
Forget about being heard. No one wants to hear your thoughts.
- A quote from my brother Kurt Ganapathy
(I know it sounds bad, but my brother took a metaphorical bullet for me today and I gotta honor his deed)







It's sad to know that your green eyes and blond hair are but figments of my imagination.
Your touch, just a dream.
Your kiss but a lost thought.
Your smile, an illusion.
Yourself, a mirage.
Your love, just a myth.....It's so sad.
Is it wrong to love a fairytale?
Is it a sin to long for you?

- Kyle Ganapathy (Youngbloods excerpt from "Her existence no longer exists")