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God damn it! The last love i had in life has betrayed me. English. How could you. All my dreams were based upon you. Why the hell am i not getting up to standard if i give my best!? Why the hell is it that every test that goes down the row decreases my fucking marks. What the fuck is wrong with me?! A writer? PFFT is all i can say to myself. What kind of writer can't get a damn distinction for a PRELIMINARY exam. What kind of writer gets his fucking composition littered with correction marks? I'm not a god damn writer after all then. 2 years in a row i had the best in English award. Sec 1 and Sec 2. I lost it at sec 3 and now at sec 4, i'm 200000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 leagues away from it. Marc Van Huizen got highest with a 77. HEH. Who else would you have expected? Everything is going perfect for him anyway. I have no damn identity anymore. I was considered one of the best in english and now look at me! What the fuck am i? I'm seriously questioning my existence now. Why God did you create such a bum? I'm sorry if i'm being blasphemous. But just look at me. My english sucks so much i can't even spell that word. I have no special trait anymore!n I am just a mediocre asshole. What am I here for. Am I just a filler of space? Am I one of the average people put on earth so as to make other people look extraordinary. Yeah i think thats what I am. If they make a movie about...oh i don't know, Marc Van Huizen, they'd show him being the greatness that he is. And my name will be there in small credits at the end. "Son of a bitch assclown from 4E2" played by Kyle Ganapathy. Thats what i am. Just a filler to make other people look great. Fine then. If that's the case that i can't even get a god damn 70 for my english, I'm not writing anymore. Forget all the poems. Forget all my stories. I'm not going to write. There is no point in writing if there is nothing left to write for. Look at all the stuff that i've written in the past. All useless, with not even a distinction to prove for it. I don't consider myself a writer. I don't deserve to be. I am a space filler and an average one at that. If English isn't my forte then what is. I am fucking useless as a human being. I am, was always and will always be, Nothing. And you know it. So don't try and cheer me up by saying we all have our strengths and weaknesses because from where i'm standing, I have no strengths. It is a straight line with dips at certain areas. I am not special and never will be so don't say i am. I am not good at anything anymore. Thats that. My life is probably gonna be over in 2 years anyway. So God, if the rest of my days are going to be as bad as this, please make me die at 35.