Insignificance

You know, i don't even know whether i spelled the title correctly but who gives a damn eh? I totally forget how insignificant i am to other people's lives sometimes. I'll be sitting next to one of my friends yapping on and on about professional wrestling and stuff and he'll just be responding with a series of nods and maybe a forced smile here and there. And Suddenly I stop and I try to read the guy's mind. And basically it'll be like, " God please make this guy stop talking and i will build several churches in your honor." And so I just stop and say "Excuse me, I have to go." The guy's next reaction will probably be a sigh of relief. Then I go into a corner and think. "Man am I always boring people like this." Well, the answer is most definitely yes. That's because no one, and i mean no one except that divine being that they call your soul mate will be interested in your thoughts or your feelings. Unless you go up to someone and say. Hey, I'm depressed. They'd never ask "how are you?" and mean it. It's a bunch of baloney i tell you. Like right now, I'm feeling like a sack of 10 cent manure but no one notices. Or bothers to, or wants to. Geez, are we all like little blind specks on the earth who don't give a damn about each other? Thats crazytalk. I find it so depressing and so frickin sad that no one will ever see the world the same way that i see it through my eyes. I wish that there could be someone that similar and deep to be able to appreciate the same things that I do but to tell you the truth, that person is a myth, a folk tale and a fictitious character. I recently found out why i am so unlike any other within my group of friends. It is because I have an unbeleivable dream. People like Selvam have a marked goal which is highly achievable. In his case, to be a lawyer. And in the case of my friend Damian, he wants to be part of the military. A commando. Those are down to earth goals man. You tell them to someone and they'd say "Hey that's great! Do your best to achieve it!" But now if Kyle comes along one fine day, "I'm planning to become a professional wrestler." " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"No seriously, whats your ambition?"

Geez. Am I really leaping for a dream that is in the densest of the blue sky above. Everyone relates to each other so well! Selvam, Jasvir, Dewei, Marc, who else? Wait what do I mean who else? EVERYBODY else. But what about me? People call it being unique. Well, I am sick to death of being unique. Because being unique is equivalent to being lonely. Name me one person in Singapore who's ambitions, instead of progressing into more down to earth things, become even more and more crazy. When I was 6 I wanted to be a vet. At 12, a writer. At 15, a singer and now at 16, A singer/writer/Professional Wrestler/ Actor/ Director. However scary it may be, whatever it is, I am not going to settle for a mundane life. I'm not going to a stuffy office at 7 in the morning, work till 9 at night, come home to a damn one room flat and sleep. I'll be damned if I'm going to turn out that way. I'm going to travel the globe and have fun while working damn it! I'm going to do all the stuff i dreamt of. I'm going to disneyland with my peeps! That's right Damian i haven't forgotten our pact. I'm going to throw a paper airplane into the grand canyon and I'm going to spit off the hoover dam. I'm not going to be confined in an office. 4 walls cannot hold my hype. I'm going places! I know i'll never find someone who can actually fill up the empty spaces within. But if I'm going to have to do this alone, then i'll do it alone. You are welcome to join me anytime. Thats if you're ready to release your hold on security and stability and take a walk on uncertainty and fear. Beleive me the latter is the road to a higher glory than you can ever imagine. But if you want to take it safe and live "happily ever after" Go ahead. Because that fairy tale will be a repetitive and boring one. Mine has just begun. And the first few pages have already been written. Time for me to write on. Fairy tales can come true. Its up to you to see whether it does for you.


Forget about love for now. It'll only bring you pain and suffering.
Forget about relationships for now, they never last. Some end before they begin.
Forget your emotions for now, they lead to the previous two things i told you to forget.
Forget about being heard. No one wants to hear your thoughts.
- A quote from my brother Kurt Ganapathy
(I know it sounds bad, but my brother took a metaphorical bullet for me today and I gotta honor his deed)







It's sad to know that your green eyes and blond hair are but figments of my imagination.
Your touch, just a dream.
Your kiss but a lost thought.
Your smile, an illusion.
Yourself, a mirage.
Your love, just a myth.....It's so sad.
Is it wrong to love a fairytale?
Is it a sin to long for you?

- Kyle Ganapathy (Youngbloods excerpt from "Her existence no longer exists")